How to Lose a Life
by Mnemosyne's Elegy
Summary: Yugi can't imagine living without Atem anymore, but the Pharaoh has to return to the afterlife, and there is no way for Yugi to stay with him. Or is there? If only Yugi knew all the consequences when he made his choice. This is a non-cliché take on the cliché story of Yugi following Atem into the afterlife. A What-If one shot.


**Note: This is a sort of alternate take on the cliché story where Yugi follows Atem into the afterlife. Not that it's a _bad _cliché all the time, but I wanted to try something a little different. This is not a cute, heartwarming fic. You have been warned. It's actually kind of heart wrenching. I got the idea while listening to Chris Tomlin's song "I Will Follow", specifically the line quoted below (odd inspiration, I know). Also, the title is a play on the song "How to Save a Life" by the Fray. In a fit of pique, I decided that it was really clever; don't judge me xD This is a What-If fic, set in a sort of AU, I suppose. Everything should be in character, it's just the ending that isn't canon. This is not meant to be a Puzzleshipping fic, but then again, I have no control over how you choose to interpret the story. Enjoy.**

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><p><em>"<em>_If this life I lose, I will follow you."-Chris Tomlin ("I Will Follow)_

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><p>Yugi's heart stumbled to a halt for a moment, missing a beat or two before it began thumping painfully against his chest once more. It had stopped and then continued on like nothing had just happened, like nothing was wrong. It had no right to keep going like that. Not when Yami's heart would never beat again.<p>

And it was his fault, in a figurative sense. Yami-Atem now, he supposed-would never really be alive again, but he could have continued living on in Yugi's body. If only Yugi hadn't won that final duel.

His knees buckled beneath him, sending him crashing to the ground unceremoniously. Even as he tried to hold back his tears, he knew it was no use. He could already feel them trickling silently down his face. He couldn't quite make himself look up as footsteps approached him, echoing off the cavernous walls.

"A victor should not be on his knees," Atem admonished softly.

"But I don't feel like a winner!" Yugi cried. "I know that it had to be this way, but…I'm going to miss you, Ya-Atem."

"It will be alright, Yugi. You do not need me anymore," Atem said quietly as he crouched beside the boy. Yugi wiped his tears away hurriedly.

"Maybe not, but I'll still miss you." Tears began leaking out of the corners of his eyes again.

Atem sighed. "If I were you, I wouldn't cry," he told the younger boy as he drew him to his feet. "You beat me. And you set me free. Believe me, I would like to stay with you for as long as possible, but I do not belong in this world. I am dead, Yugi, and the dead should not linger in the world of the living." He offered the boy a smile and hugged him tightly. "I will miss you, but I will never forget you. And one day, we will meet again."

Yugi looked up at his friend and did his best to force a smile onto his face, making it as genuine as he could. "I know. Atem, you really made a difference in my life, and I can't thank you enough for that. You were my guardian and protector, my guide and my friend. You taught me about courage and strength and pride. I learned a lot from you, and I'm a better and stronger person now. You've given me so much…Now this is the one thing I can give you."

Atem raised an eyebrow. "'The one thing'? Yugi, you have given me much more than my freedom. I have learned from you as well. Because of you I am more compassionate and empathetic. And your friends became my friends, your worries my worries. You gave me something to fight for."

"But Atem, you already had those qualities before I met you."

The Pharaoh chuckled. "You possessed more courage and strength than you ever knew, long before I met you. You underestimate yourself. We both _had _these qualities, but we brought out the best in each other. And now we can stand on our own." He smiled. "Be brave, Yugi. You do not need me to fight your battles for you anymore. This is your life. Live it."

Yugi sighed heavily. He knew that he had to let Atem go, but he didn't have to like it. He knew this was for the best. Atem wanted to go to the afterlife to be with his family and friends from his previous life. He wanted to rest.

"I know. And I'm happy for you, really." And he was, after a fashion. The problem was that he wasn't happy for himself. He had gotten too used to having Atem around, and he didn't know what he'd do without him.

Atem smiled at him. "Thank you. And do not worry so much. Soon you will enjoy having your head to yourself again."

Yugi suppressed a shudder. He didn't want to think about that. He still hadn't gotten used to the oppressive silence that had reigned in his head since Yami's soul had separated from his for the trip to the Memory World. He was losing his best friend, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He forced a smile for Atem's benefit. He didn't want the Pharaoh to feel guilty for leaving.

"I suppose so," he lied.

"Pharaoh?" They both turned to look at Ishizu. "Are you ready?"

Atem gave Yugi a questioning look. The boy nodded, even though he was nowhere near ready. Atem threw him another smile and walked away.

Yugi barely heard Ishizu instruct the Pharaoh to stand before the eye of Wadjet on the imposing golden doors guarding the way to the afterlife. He barely heard Yami-Atem, he was Atem now-speak his name, his voice as cool and confident as ever. He barely saw the door grudgingly creak open, or the Pharaoh's friends waving gaily from beyond the threshold.

What he heard was the deafening silence of half a soul crying out for its missing pieces. What he saw was a vision of a bleak life without his dearest companion. The heavy silence drowned out his friend's goodbyes, and as he watched Atem walk into the afterlife with his thumb in the air, it felt like his heart was breaking in two. He didn't know how to live without Atem anymore. The Pharaoh had become a part of him, and Yugi felt incomplete without him there. Atem had said that Yugi could live without him, but how could half of a person, half of a soul, survive?

But it wouldn't be fair to ask Atem to stay. He deserved to be with his family and friends again. Yugi had to let him go, no matter how much it hurt. Even if it killed him.

Even if…

"Atem, wait!" he cried.

~Ѧ-Ϙ~

Atem kept up the smile for Yugi's sake. He didn't want Yugi and the others to guess that something was wrong. He hated misleading them, but it would be easier for them to let him go if they thought he was going to a restful afterlife where his family and friends were waiting for him. How he wished it was the truth. He wanted to go rest and be reunited with his loved ones. Or barring that, he wanted to stay here with Yugi and their friends. But what he wanted didn't matter. To be honest, it never had.

He supposed he had brought this on himself, even if it was necessary. When he had trapped both Zorc and himself in the Millennium Items, his magic had bound their souls together. They could both be trapped, both live, or both die. There was no either/or, no one or the other. Zorc may have been defeated in the Memory World, but he would not really be destroyed unless Atem was too. The Dark One was too powerful and dangerous to just send to the afterlife, so Atem couldn't go either. They had to be completely and utterly destroyed.

His friends' words warmed his heart, but it was still difficult for him to give them one last smile and thumbs up. It was more difficult than they would ever know.

He turned away from them as quickly as was possible without arousing suspicion. The longer he stayed, the harder it would be to leave. No more stalling.

He began walking forward again, his eyes fixed on those false images of his friends. It was a nice touch, to allay suspicion. It had merely been a simple piece of Shadow Magic, used to disguise what was really there.

"Goodbye," he whispered, too quietly for the others to hear. The word had a harsh finality that he didn't want them to detect.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the void. The darkness waited for him, but it wasn't a comforting, soft darkness. No, it was a cruel and painful one. He could already feel it shredding his soul into pieces, tearing him apart until there would be nothing left.

"Atem, wait!"

_Yugi?_

Atem shifted painfully to look back through the doorway. Yugi was running towards him, a determined and desperate expression on his face. Atem wanted to tell him to get back, but the oppressive darkness smothered him, making it impossible for him to speak.

_Yugi, no!_

The doors were swinging shut, and Atem urged them on silently, praying that they would close completely before Yugi reached them.

They didn't.

Atem saw Yugi's look of surprise and horror as he passed over the threshold and the illusion was shattered. His eyes met Atem's, and the Pharaoh's heart sank. The doors slammed shut, trapping them inside the void. Yugi would be destroyed with him.

_Yugi, I'm sorry…_

Atem watched in dismay as the grasping darkness tore at his friend, ripping him to shreds. He was reminded of their last duel with Marik as he saw the darkness consume his friend once more. This time, however, it was permanent. This was not some silly Shadow Game. This was the end.

He could still feel himself disappearing, but it didn't seem so horrible anymore, not compared to Yugi's demise. Not compared to the realization that in trying to spare Yugi pain, he had inadvertently doomed him to a painful death. More than a death. A nonexistence. Atem forced himself to watch Yugi to the very end as his penance and punishment. The last thing left of the boy was a pair of frightened amethyst eyes, but then even those vanished, blinking out of existence with a resounding finality.

Mercifully, Atem didn't have to mourn Yugi for long, since he ceased to exist a few moments later. The only thing left was his last half-thought echoing through the emptiness.

_…__So, so sorry. Goodbye…_

And then even that was gone.

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><p><strong>Note: I don't really count this among my best works. I think it lacks a little of my usual finesse, but I like the idea a lot, and I hope you enjoyed it as well. I was thinking about how Yami and Zorc had to both be bound to the Millennium Items for Yami's spell to work, and started wondering what would have happened if the spell <em>permanently<em> bound their souls together so that if one was destroyed the other would be too. I also like playing with the idea of hurting someone because of trying to protect them. **

**I said that this wasn't Puzzleshipping because I don't really see a romantic relationship between Yami and Yugi. I do, however, feel like it would be extremely difficult for Yugi to live without Yami after they shared a mind and body for so long. I can't imagine losing that after once having it, and I used that emotion as Yugi's motivation for following Atem. Again, you can read this however you'd like.**

**Feel free to review : )**

**Sorry I haven't been posting much lately! I hope to have a one shot about Ryou next. Hopefully soon.**


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